Wednesday, June 23, 2004

Sitting on Top of the World

I forsee that this is going to be a great summer. A summer filled with new experiences, friends and maybe love. I'm trying to be optimistic.

I have encountered two indivuals who I feel very compatiable with. In this lifestyle, you have men who are on the low, but still don't consider they get down, whereas, you have men like men who are on the low, but, accepts the fact the they like men.

Ironically, these two indivuals fall into catergory #1.

Anywayz, brotha has to bounce.... holla at u lata.. this weekend is gonna be off the chain... first weekend of summer


Tuesday, June 15, 2004

I'm finding a place... where i can Boogie!!!

Well, yesterday was one of those niggas ain't shyt days. Something triggered, shot and launched an attack on all men, lol. I'm good now, so brothas you can stop hiding.

I'm striving to do the damn thing. Loving who I am!!!! Since I have been waiting several years to find a good man, I considered searching for a friend with benefits. This brotha right here needs some affection. So, this friend could fulfill this void. Then, after speaking with a couple of people. I think that's a bad idea. Giving oneself to a friend can lead to emotion developing.

Like india.aire says, "I'm ready for love." I'm not going to search. I'm not going to forget what I want. But, I will continue to strive for success in all aspects of my life. I think I reached a new point in my life. Is to be with me, you must accept me. Not about the life style, but who I am.

Smiling is something I do all the time. But, recently, I’m smiling less and less. I just want a hug, lol. Not from a friend or family member, but from the one I'm destined to be with.

I do have someone in mind, but time will only tell. What am I going to do?

BOOGIE with my own damn self, LOL!

Friday, June 11, 2004

Its a New Day

Yesterday was one of those days when you have to go out and have a drink. Like Kanye West says, "I know I’m self-conscious,” I’m the second to admit it.

But, I had mad fun last night just chillin at the bar with a friend. Long Island Ice Tea keeping me company throughout the night. I looked around and seen a diverse group of black men. Black Men from different walks of life. I wondered would this be me in twenty years. Would I still be in this game?

And then...

They played Jigga!!!!! So, I had to say fuck the frail shyt. I think being young and being on da low, we tend to ignore how this life can affect our entire being.

For the first time this past Monday, I met with a chat buddy. Just for a drink, he was visiting New York. I will not disclose who he is, but the person is very influential. After speaking with him, I was extremely motivated after he told me his story. The only thing I seen that I didn't like was he's married and still gets down.

Just been thinking about his whole situation. And with all of his success he still isn't happy. When my career becomes more successful, will I be happy?

Thursday, June 10, 2004

Well Ahl Right!!!

I know it took over a month for a second entry. But life was going well in the last couple of weeks. Didn't really feel the need to vent. Lately, I have been having mood swings. One moment I'm excited about life and where I’m going, the next I feel lonely and depress. LOST!!!

I just bought "Living through the meantime," by Iyana Vanzant, only read the first chapter and already feel like I'm breaking the patterns of the past to begin the healing process. I'm sure I will mention this book again. But yesterday, I went into BN to find a book for self-improvement. Figuring if striving for success with a heart that needs to be healed will only lead to temporary success.

Something, I have been battling for a while has been my weight. Going to the gym and eating right, I recently lost 46lbs and counting. So instead of being a big guy, I am now average. On my quest to become muscular I feel good about myself. Don't get me wrong I don't think I’m ugly, but there is a feeling deep down that I feel if I’m not happy with my weight that no one will.

Loving oneself is important, and doing things to enhance who u are can be an advantage you have when seeking a lover. I guess losing the weight is important but I’m doing this for me. This is not an Oprah moment, just trying to get some things off my chest.

In the DL community we are constantly stuck on looks. We are constantly looking for that next hook up. We would rather have the man that look likes Boris Kojoe, than someone that looks like Tom Joyner. LOL, Me too!!! But do you ever wonder, why people may dismissed other people that be exactly what they need and want, but may have a physical flaw. I think I dismissed someone that looking back I regret. And I also understand that certain people are acted to certain types. But, that closes the opportunity of meeting your soul mate.

Do you ever feel as though you have so much to offer and so much to share but have no one to give it to? IT SUCKS!!! I'm on the riches and diamond rings, this man don't have a thing.

Just some complaints, but I’m still smiling on da DL!!!

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