I know it took over a month for a second entry. But life was going well in the last couple of weeks. Didn't really feel the need to vent. Lately, I have been having mood swings. One moment I'm excited about life and where I’m going, the next I feel lonely and depress. LOST!!!
I just bought "Living through the meantime," by Iyana Vanzant, only read the first chapter and already feel like I'm breaking the patterns of the past to begin the healing process. I'm sure I will mention this book again. But yesterday, I went into BN to find a book for self-improvement. Figuring if striving for success with a heart that needs to be healed will only lead to temporary success.
Something, I have been battling for a while has been my weight. Going to the gym and eating right, I recently lost 46lbs and counting. So instead of being a big guy, I am now average. On my quest to become muscular I feel good about myself. Don't get me wrong I don't think I’m ugly, but there is a feeling deep down that I feel if I’m not happy with my weight that no one will.
Loving oneself is important, and doing things to enhance who u are can be an advantage you have when seeking a lover. I guess losing the weight is important but I’m doing this for me. This is not an Oprah moment, just trying to get some things off my chest.
In the DL community we are constantly stuck on looks. We are constantly looking for that next hook up. We would rather have the man that look likes Boris Kojoe, than someone that looks like Tom Joyner. LOL, Me too!!! But do you ever wonder, why people may dismissed other people that be exactly what they need and want, but may have a physical flaw. I think I dismissed someone that looking back I regret. And I also understand that certain people are acted to certain types. But, that closes the opportunity of meeting your soul mate.
Do you ever feel as though you have so much to offer and so much to share but have no one to give it to? IT SUCKS!!! I'm on the riches and diamond rings, this man don't have a thing.
Just some complaints, but I’m still smiling on da DL!!!