Tuesday, January 11, 2005

Keeping the Faith

Thanks for all of the encouraging words on my last blog. I took sometime to reflect on what I wrote and your comments.

Wednesday afternoon, I received a phone call from someone I use to talk on the phone with over the summer. I forgot why we stopped talking. We updated each other with new things going on in our lives. We spoke again for four hours on Thursday night. We made arrangements to have a blockbuster night on Friday at my crib. I was kinda excited, just to spend some downtime after new years and the funeral at my apartment with someone.

During my lunch break, I called to make sure we were still on. No answer. I called immediately after I walked out of my office. No answer. After I visited my other grandfather. I called once more. No answer, at this time, I started to get upset and worried at the same time. This brotha always picks up within the first two rings no matter what time a day. When I get home I cleaned up my apartment and took a long shower. I called again around 7:30, he says, "I'm in choir rehearsal, I didn't know I had it tonight. I'll call you afterwards." By 10:30, apartment is spotless; I lit a couple of candles and reading Keith Boykin's new book. I called one more time and left this message, "I remember why we stopped talking. Every time we set a date to meet up, you stood me up. Lose my number." (click!)

This year, I want to be more optimistic than last year. My heart harden in 2004. In 2005, I want to put my faith in someone who has potential.

So, a boring night at home on a Friday, I decided to go on the chat line just to talk. After 15 mins on the line, I went one-on-one with someone from my hometown (FYI - I work in the same area). We will call him, Smooth. He tells me that he is 26, scruffy and unemployed. Darn. I continue to talk because sometimes people are in a slump, attempting to speed ahead. As our conversation gets a little deeper. We exchange numbers and hung up from the chat line. He decides to send me his pictures. I viewed them and was in awww. The brother was definitely not scruffy. He told me that he wanted to be honest with me. The next half hour this brother informs that he is 37 has a daughter, two years younger than me, and a grandson. (By the way, I'm 24.) I didn't mind that he was older. His age didn't bother me at all. But, I was truly in disbelief. If Smooth had said that he was 19, I would have believed him. After a three-hour conversation we decided to go to this spoken word spot on Sunday.

I spent the whole day with one of my best friends on Saturday. Throughout the day, Smooth and I must have spoken over ten times. I find out that he is Host of a local cable variety show that he is in the process of selling to a major network. He also informs me of several things he is involved in. At this time, Smooth is looking mighty potential.

Saturday evening I went to a housewarming that lasted till 7am in the morning. I had a whole lot of fun playing this game I think called Cranium. My best friend recently had an abortion and was sick on Sunday. I called Smooth to ask if we can postpone our date around 3. He told me that he would call me right back he was on a business call. Smooth called me as soon as I get home and I hear in his voice that he is upset. I asked him if he is mad at me. He says, "I'm mad at myself for putting faith that you were different from other guys." DAMN, DAMN, DAMN!

I told him I didn't want to give him excuses. But, I eventually explain the situation and he tells me those are excuses. I begin to think how am I going to resolve this situation. He continues to say he's mad at myself. After 20mins of frustration, I start to think; maybe we aren't for each other. I really had to take care of my friend as soon as the housewarming ended. I was dead tired. I told Smooth, "I'll talk to you some other time."

Smooth: "Why"
Me: "Because I was feeling you as much as you say you are feeling me. I'm not perfect, but I did hope that you would be more understanding."
Smooth: "You know what, I do understand. I was really anticipating meeting you all day. Lets start over."

I'm happy, yet reluctant because I'm not sure if these misunderstanding episodes will continue. We spoke for a while afterward. I felt a lot better and I learned even more about him.

Yesterday, I get a phone call on my cell at work. It's him. Kool-Aid Smile. He told me, he wanted to leave a message to say, "have a great day and I'm thinking about you." It is little stuff like that, that can get me open. Again, we spoke late into the night.

Smooth and I haven't scheduled another meeting. I'm guessing I am waiting for him to plan something. Unfortunately, my DC friend aunt died over the weekend. He will be out of town next weekend. So, no MLK DC weekend this year. On a brighter note, I was asked to replace someone for a panel discussion: 30 Years After Dr. King's Death, Where are we and where are we going? Very exciting!! I'll probably tell Smooth to come see a brotha at work.

John Legend CD is in stores NOW! Off The Chain! I am a official John Legend Groupie!


At 11:07 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

I've always been a firm believer in the perturbance theory. It stems from quantum physics, and it basically states that by disrupting a system, you can learn all its features by seeing it regain equilibrium. I have to say I'm glad that Smooth managed to smooth it on out after his initial bitchfest.

Have him come check out out at the panel discussion. Good luck!

At 12:45 PM, Blogger Ricky said...

Nice to hear about you and Smooth and hope it works out for you in 2005. I am a John Legend groupie also, his music just does something to me and does not hurt that he is not bad to look at either.


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