Thursday, June 30, 2005

Miles To Go Before I Rest

"We tend to
idolize productivity to the point where it covers our mind," said
my Deacon, last night at bible study. This statement hits home
right now. I'm stuck on being successful no matter what.
Unfortunately, I am willing to take on things that begin to have me
stressed out. It becomes a priority to be at the right spot, in the
right organization and know the right people.
Most times, I feel as though I'm doin the damn thing. I
constantly make sure my name is out in the community, in efforts to
promote myself and to anything I'm attaching my name. This prevents
me from truly taking care of myself. I place my needs second to the
needs of others and organizations. I stress myself out to the point
where I feel like giving up and just doing NOTHING. Tired. Tired of
just living an unfulfilled life because home is so empty at the end
of the day.

As stated in a previous post, I've been chillin by myself
the last few days, trying to figure out what's really good!
Yesterday, I took myself out to a diner before bible study and
headed to the bathroom. I looked in the mirror and smiled. Said to
myself, "Smiling, you can get it." Lol, sike nah. I just stared at
myself and thanked God. Early that day, I was given some alarming
news involving me personally. Of course, I called two friends, but
I forgot to pray about it.

At bible study, the facilitator talked about how often we seek out
people for advice instead of asking God. Talked about how we
received earthy wisdom in lieu of righteous wisdom. But, most
importantly, he talked about Standing Still, The Battle Belongs To
The Lord.

My desire to Be All That I Can Be stresses me the F**K out. But,
yesterday I was told the Word tells us that faithful will bring
forth Fruit. It is a struggle to give all of my worries to the
Lord. Im naturally a worrier (I blame this on my mother).

Things Im going to work towards in order to live a Righteous

1. Choose to Pray over my battles, instead of worrying over them.
This will help release my conflicts unto the Lord
2. In my prayers seek wisdom. JC will provide me with the strength
and courage.
3. Choose to control my tongue. Know when to listen and when to
talk. I love to talk and listen. But, I want to listen more than I
4. Choose to love. Im a firm believer that love will set you
free. I would like to strengthen my will to love my enemy and
myself in times of despair.
5. Last night, I decided to go on a seven-day liquid fast (FYI
Eat after 6pm.)

Now I pray for His wisdom and guidance as I walk in VICTORY!
Its a tough world, but with JC on my side, yall
better watch out!

Wednesday, June 29, 2005

Top Ten Wednesday!

Despite all of the allegations and remarks on Bill Cosby, we still must give THANKS for creating the Cosby Show and A Different World. From what I've read, he made sure black people where in positions of power on both shows. A Different World was responsible for making a lot of black kids WANT to go to college and pursue it. These sitcoms showed me a different side of black folks. I always wanted a Dad just like Cliff and a man, don't laugh, just like Dwayne Wayne, young, smart and genuine (especially the later years). Plus, I wanted Rudy as my wife.

I can never stop watching the repeats. So today's Top Ten are five of my favorite episodes of both shows. It was hard to slim it down to 5 each, but I did it! I know y'all remember all of them!
The Cosby Show aka Best Damn Sitcom of All Time

Rudy friends on Cliff's Lap ~ It was one episode, Rudy friends came over for a party. And Cliff was entertaining them. He had all of these kids on his lap shaking them all over the place. I remember what european decent big boy on his lap and Cliff was acting like a plane was crashing. (My best friend is one of the girls in that episode.)

Stevie Wonder - Remember when the family was invited into the studio Stevie Wonder. And they did that song, Jamming on the One. They should have release that single, LOL.

Pregnant - Remember when all of the men were pregnant. That episode was the best.

Rudy sings - Remember when the kids got together and sung the Ray Charles song. And Rudy killed her part singing, "BABY.. BABY oh Baby." When I saw Ray for the first time and Regina King song it, all I could think about was lil Rudy.

Theo's Life lesson - My favorite episode of the Cosby show was when they tried to teach Theo a lesson about living on his own. Remember when Rudy was the landlord with those grandma glasses. They gave him monopoly money to pay his bills and cockroach was his model agent.

Oh yeah, Clare was my girl... i love her laugh and when she gets strict with the children.
A Different World aka A show that really needs to be duplicated on prime time television.

Kim insane - Kim could sing her behind off. Remember when she was playing in Ron's band and then she turned into a diva

Domestic Violence - You can't forget when Gena's boyfriend was beating on her and she had to wear those glasses and purple shoes. Lena was about to kick the boys butt. We need shows that produce discussion like this, because it happens soo often in our community.

Freddie and Ron - Who would imagine that Freddie and Ron would hook-up. It was juicy up in the radio station while the power it out. I wish it was on cable, LOL!

Dwayne and Whitley - I wanted to kick Whitley's back out, when they married sike nah. But, it took years for them to finally exchange vows. I loved all the episodes, like when he broke up her wedding until they said I do.

Tisha Campbell/Whoopi AIDS - The most powerful episode was when Tisha Campbell announced to her college class taught by Whoppi, she was HIV Positive. It dealt with the real stigma toward those who live with the virus that causes AIDS. Tisha did her thing, it would have been awesome if she stayed as a permanent character. After that episode, I loved Mr. Gaines character.

Oh yeah... I loved every episode with Dianne Carroll and Patti LaBelle

Tuesday, June 28, 2005

Random stuff

Well, I'm much better than last thursday morning.

Had some random stuff to blog about.

1. Get down clubs have seen enough of me for a long time. Luke's on thursday was funky/smelly. I had lots of fun at the octagon, but was extremely tired from my event I had on Saturday. I should of went to Bed-Stuy, LOL (smile) (mind y'all business)

2. What does Bush have to say tonight? I refuse to get pissed off before I go to bed. I'll just see what Matt and Katie has to report in the morning. (By the way, I love the Today Show).

3. Keyshia Cole latest single, "to be over" is stuck in my head since last thurday. Krucial Keys did there thing with that beat. That La La part is the truth. My boy bought the CD for me... I need to go pick that out.

4. I had a really good time on Sunday. I treated myself out to a tour of Italy via Olive Garden, lol and went to go see Batman Begins. Plus, I had a lot of fun roaming the aisles of Target, buying some stuff I didn't need. Came home and watched Criminal Intent and fell asleep. It was really nice to go out alone and feel fulfilled. Yesterday, I rented movies (National Treasure and The Aviator) and ordered chinese afterwork.

5. Highlight of the morning... my roll dawg, Shawty texted message Luv U Punk. And I replied, Hate U, lol!

6. For the last couple of days, I've been taking it slow with the men, I'm interested in. Stedman called yesterday at work, to see how my weekend turned out. He is like a turtle! And there is someone else, I really want to get to know.

7. Ready to plan a August summer vocation. Not sure who I'm going with, but since I had soo much fun on sunday, I may end up by myself.

8. My boss is out on sick leave till mid-August and I'm swamp with work. This is going to be a long JULY! I decided to take off the rest of the week off from my second gig. Although, I've been going to bed early, I'm still very sleepy.

9. Tomorrow is Top Ten Wednesday and it's going to be fun. I'm all geeked about it now.


Monday, June 27, 2005

Right Now...

Right Now

I feel so blessed
That my God will make a way
That easy victories are cheap
Only those which come as a result of a struggle are worthwhile

Right Now

I know why the sun rises every day
I know why after the storm a rainbow appears
I know the reason why Donnie sung, "Stand"
I know there is LIFE in a dried up raison

Right Now

The spirit of the Lord is here
Giving me the ability
To envoke the spirit of
My Mother
Dr. King
Malcolm X
Stokely Carmichael
My Grandma

Right Now

I am that Wizard of Me
Telling my soul
That you have a brain, heart and courage
And that home is where my heart is

Right Now

I feel like going on (sung at the end of five heartbeats, the movie)
The Lord will provide the next step to take
He has already ordered my steps

Right Now

I'm still confused on what life will bring me
But, a glimpse of hope
Has provided me
The faith I need to survive and
A vision of me and Greatness painted
All over my glass house.

Right Now

I'm tired and praying
For strength and guidance
Lord, hear my prayer!

Who knows what will happen
For the rest of today, tomorrow
Next year
Next decade
All I know is the way that I Feel
And this feeling is Real
I just can't explain it!

Thursday, June 23, 2005

Right Now

Right Now

I feel like slapping somebody
Better yet, I feel like pissing on somebody
Angry at life and the lack of understanding of it
You think you know but you have no idea

Right Now

I feel like knocking somebody the f**k out
Maybe, because I grew up around violence
I don't even care
I don't even care about contradicting myself
Like a dried up raison in the sun, Why should I care

Right Now

I feel like F**KIN somebody
Ejecting my pain and all of my deadly sins
Who knows why the damn wind blows
Who knows why a house is not a home

Right Now

I feel like crying like I never had before
Attempting to discharge my compassion, my love, my smile
Going into the Dark Side
Embracing it
So I'll never feel, touch, see, hear or smell

Right Now

I feel like changing who I am
I'm Oscar the Grouch
Darth Vader
Jim Crow

I'm the lion without courage
The tin man without a heart
The scarecrow without a brain
See I'm Dorothy with my red pumas
"There is no place home"
And there is No Wizard helping this brotha out

Right Now

I feel like getting on my damn knees and pray
Cause I don't know if I'll make it today.

Wednesday, June 22, 2005

Top Ten Wednesday and stuff

For the last two days, I've been working out, running/jogging/walking four miles, and feeling sore, LOL! Unfortunately, I've been wearing some ProKeds at the park, so now I'm walking with a slight limp. Definitely going to buy some running shoes this week. I need a ipod bad! Four miles with only my thoughts is CRAZY. But, I'm tryna Kill'em for the white party in July and the FIBO party in August.

Been going through severe mood swings and I don't know where its coming from. I'm one of the organizers for a HUGE event on saturday and by the grace of God, in the past two weeks he has blessed us with everything we needed! Plus, I'm having part two next week of the event I had in May. And not to mention, this weekend is going to be rowdy, lol! I'm getting kinda stressed! But, I know he will work it out.

Right after I typed soundtracks last week, I immediately thought of this week Top Ten! I thought about favorite cartoon tv shows.

Smurfs - Man, what y'all know about Papa Smurf?

Animanics - they definitely were wacky and toony, LOL. I loved that baby whose voice was
Crea Summers aka Freddie from A Different World

Carebears - I know this is so G-Life of me. Carebears are the truth and I'm not afraid to type it, LOL. It was awesome to see all of them different and have the strong ability to work out problems. We need more shows like this! Of course with a G-Life bear.

He-man - I used to have a lot of He-man toys. Yo, skeletor was a loser! Even the movies was bangin, I wanted a Part II.

Chip'n'Dale - Chip, Chip, Chip Chip'n'Dale Rescue Rangers. (Stop singin!) When I was a kid, I made sure I was home at 3:30 to watch those squirrels.

Duck Wing Duck - You better watch out you bad boys. (Again, stop singing) Duck Wing was OFF DA HOOK!

Recess - the only cartoon on this list that is still being made. I watched this show every saturday if I'm home, plus I own the movie.

Duck Tales - Awho who. All of that money, I use to dream of swimming in that vault.

Chipmunks - Alvin, Simon, Theodore, doot doot dododoot. My grandma bought me all three stuff animals. I think I still have them packed away. I remember when they had Alvin singin, Bad to Bone. Those song breaks were awesome!

Transformers - HOLLA, IF YOU HEAR ME! The original Transformers was unbeatable. Octamis Prime was me, LOL!


ThunderCats - Back in the Day, when I was young, I'm not a kid anymore, but some days I wish i was a kid again. Everyone say, Thunder Cat HOOOOOOO! This is my all-time favorite cartoon... At one time, I wanted the emblem tattooed on my arm. I wonder if the show is on DVD, if so, one of y'all can buy it for me, LOL!

Honorable Mentions: Sailor Moon,Tale Spin, Proud Family, and Rug Rats

Dang, I took myself back! On some real stuff... y'all are gonna love next week!

Did I leave any out?

Monday, June 20, 2005

Nature Flow

September 2000, I began my sophomore year in college. I had awesome summer, working on a huge political campaign and a prominent national black leader, coordinated a huge initiative and practice civil disobiediance at a national event. I came back to school a changed man.

I immediately began chatting on BP, (yes, I was a bp hoe, haven't we all been at sometime, LOL). I began to converse with Stedman (no he doesn't look like Stedman, names just suits him.) We used to talk all of the time, I didn't have a cell phone, so my phone bill at school was high from calling him because he went to school four states away. (I think that bill, still isn't paid, LOL)

Stedman and I had some intense conversations as well as phone fun (if you know whatI mean, hehehe). We talked for years, from 2000 up until 2003. Stedman used to edit my papers and speeches. Even when I was going through a hard process to get into something, he was the only person I called for support. Stedman was frustrated with my paranioa, this eventually drove us apart. He has been forgotten up until last week.

For some strange reason, I decided to go on blackplanet chat last Wednesday. I haven't chatted on bp since last year. After reading someone's page, I requested a private chat, asked a few prerequisite questions and we exchanged aim names. Immediately, we both said that our screennames looked familar. I asked, "where did you go to school?" and from there memories came flushing in my mind. I was cheesing hard. We caught up on a lot of thing! Spoke on the phone until he could hear me snoring. A feeling of relief came into my mind. Stedman was the one man that I truly felt that I was compatible with.

He brought up some deep moments we shared with each other. Yo, on some real shyt, I was getting geeked. I haven't felt this way, since I began talking to Potential. And I really didn't want to mess this up. So, I asked him to come up here for a date (oh, he lives an hour and a half away, which isn't that bad since we both have cars.) I swear to goodness, my Kool-Aid smile was SWEET as he approached my house. I really was unsure how he looked because it was soo long ago that I saw his pic. But, brother pulled up and heart fluttered with DAMN! Not to mention his car is off da hezzy!

So, we drove to this new jazz cafe that I went to a couple of weeks ago. Now, I never been on a friday, so, I was disappointed when the live jazz was someone on an electronic piano playing jazz. But, Stedman didn't mind at all. At this point, I'm not sure if he is into me or not. He's really into eye contact while conversing across from each other. Normally, I am into eye contact as well, but gazing at this brotha's Pretty Brown Eyes sends strange unlived emotions to my mind, body and head (which one?lol). (The piano player packs up and India.Arie first album Acoustic Soul begins to play.)

As we talk about life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness, my songs are playing (Video, Brown Skin and Strength, Courage and Wisdom). When it gets to Nature, I try to stop all of my fantasies of being with this brother for a lifetime, attempting not only to hear the lyrics but live them.

Where we'll go, baby I don't know
Maybe we should just let nature run the show
Where we'll go, baby I don't know
Maybe we should just let nature run the show
Like the sun shines and
The wind blows
Like the birds fly
And the moon glows
If I am meant for you and
You are meant for me
Then we will flow together
I felt extremely comfortable with him. Although, it was our first time meeting in person, I knew Stedman for years (in my dreams!). We ended up going bowling. I whopped that boy behind the first game... so, of course I had to take a bathroom break and call Redd and tell him how excited I am. (Sorry, Baby for disturbing dinner!) I let him win the second game, because I could tell by his face he doesn't like to lose, just like me!
Our drive back to my place was kewl. We talked mostly about music and what we had going on for the rest of the weekend. He asked if I could go down to Six Flags with him and his best friends, but I had a conference all day Saturday. It was so many people out chillin on my block, so we didn't chat long in front of my house, so he was on his way back home. I entered my apt and didn't know what to think. I ended up going to sleep only to be awakened an hour later by Stedman's phone call. He wanted to say how much he enjoyed meeting me and hope we could chill sometime soon.
I kept it kewl all weekend. Stedman actually called a few times on Saturday and Sunday. I'm debating on asking him to accompany me to the Kem/Fantasia Concert on Sunday.
At the end of Nature, she sings, "Maybe we'll get it right." Maybe we will, may we won't. I'm trying to overdose with chill pills to calm myself down. The moment she sung, "go with the flow," I knew whole heartedly what she meant. But, she kept on saying it... I told myself, go with the flow, but she kept on and on singing, "Go with the flow." I never knew why she sung that line over and over until I realized that you can't force nature... you must go with the flow!

Wednesday, June 15, 2005

Top Ten Wednesday!

Before I begin, I want to give a huge


to everyone who commented on my last post! This is why I keep posting, FREE THERAPY (LOL)!

So, yesterday, I worked all day on a campaign for the second Tuesday in a row. I'm so glad nyc primary is in september. Because like my boy, Jimmy Woo says, "It's AFRICA Hot Out." I can't stand this heat and working outside is no joke. Of course, I viewed my blog periodically from my phone and was feeling great after reading so many wonderful comments. I even had to call Redd at work because James Brown was playing in my head, (I feel good, dadada.. u know it). Oh yeah, no more dumpster scenes, LOLOLOL! I promise!

Of course, like a dork, I was thinking about what the next top ten would be. So, I texted message myself all of the soundtracks that I have mentioned. Lately, I haven't purchase a soundtrack since Ray, and that was last summer. What happen? I dunno.

10 Ten Soundtracks

Preacher's Wife - The first of my Whitney led soundtracks! Sista blew me way with, "I believe in You and Me." Annie Lennox hooked it up with "Step by Step." Georgia Mass Choir did their thing with Whitney. And even the last song in the movie, "Joy to the World," is a slammer!

Mohogany - Honestly, the main reason why this soundtrack is on the list because I completely forgot about it when I did the movies list, in addition I'm completely in love with "Do you know where you going to?" I was very excited when Sara Stokes from Da Band was blowing it up.

What's Love Got To Do With It? I know all of y'all G-Life brothas know all the songs from Proud Mary to Nutbush City Limits to What's Love Got To Do With It?. I love Ms. Turner.

Love Jones - Hopeless is my song! Sweetest Thing - Lauryn Hill and Sumthin' Sumthin' - Maxwell off the chain! And who can forget, Brother to the Night (A Blues for Dina) aka Daruis' Poem performed by Larenz Tate, that shyt make you wanna moan.

Saved the Last Dance this was really an official mixed tape. They had some of my favorite songs at the time, such as Breathe and Stop, Only You, and Get it on Tonight... plus jill scott tore the theme up.. fredro starr needs to retire.

Love and Basketball - Y'all remember at the Prom and the started playing Guy's I like and you started to role your neck, LOL! They loaded this soundtrack with jams... like It Takes Two (i
know y'all freaks know about that, lol). But the track the made me a Me'shell Ndegeocello fan was Fool of Me. That chorus is simple but real, if your going through it.

The Bodyguard - I adore Whitney! To me, this was her best album ever. I Have Nothing, I'm Every Woman, Queen of the Nigth, Run to You, Jesus Loves Me, and I'll Always Love You. Enough Said!

Set It Off - How many of y'all actually bought this album? I use to kill it! My favorites are Missing You (I know y'all love that one), Days of Our Livez- Bone Thugs (best BT song ever), Don't Let Go (love) Envogue, Sex Is On My Mind - Blulight (Download this song right NOW!), Angel -Simply Red, and Let it Go - Ray J. ( I couldn't hate on him for this one).

Waiting to Exhale - This album will always remain special to me because of L (see my, Where is he now post?) I really don't have to explain it... powerful sisters singing because they are waiting to exhale like most of us. You know i'm right, LOL!

The Best Man - My all time favorite soundtrack! I swear to goodness, I love this album! I can listen to this entire album 10times a day. Many folks didn't know that Beyonce sung, Here I am (the song Monica Calhoun walked down the aisle to and had everyone tearing up, lol). That song is going to play at my reception. Turn Your Lights Down Low - Lauryn/Marley (one of the best colab ever made!), even Kenny Lattimore killed it with Beautiful Girl. One of the things I love most about this soundtrack is the fact that most of the songs appear in the movie (although, I wish Candy was on the album). Even from the beginning when Taye gets in the car with Harold and you hear The Roots' What you want (that beat is murda.)

Honorable Mention: Next Friday and Rush Hour

Do y'all have any to include?

Monday, June 13, 2005

He's Just Not For You!

I have a problem. Of course, I have many, but yesterday this problem was in the corner and with the spot light shining above it.

I like nice men. Actually, I love nice men! It's extremely simple, if your nice, I love you, LOL! Whether you're a nice dork, nice thug, nice pretty boy, I like you!

Yesterday, I was eating pizza on Christopher and Hudson (this is my third time on C-St. in 8 days, I need to start hitting up brooklyn, LOL) with CountryGrammar and Established. We talked about men and CountryGrammar, who has known me for a while, pointed out how much I focused on the appeared mindset aka niceness of someone before the overall package.

This reference jogged many thoughts on where I've been, where I am now and where I really need to be.

Where I've been:

I'm a huge fan of meeting men on the Internet. It gives me the opportunity to scan through some of the folks that I meet. Back in the BP days, I would hit up people based on what they stated on their page. We would correspond through notes and later instant messenger and the phone.

I would be immediately intrigued if they had that appeared genuine niceness about them. At times when it became time to meet, I would be disappointed with their physical appearance, masculinity and overall attitude that changed tremendously in person (and they might have felt the same way about me). Only left to feel stupid because I hoped that they were the ONE. It baffles me that after many encounters like these I kept repeating the cycle as if it was some type of syndrome.

April of 2004, I broke down at the mall, because things didn't go as plan with someone I was really feeling. I ran behind the dumpster and called my boy, Devon and cried like a new born baby. At that moment, I knew it was time for a change. Devon, thankfully called Redd and told him what happen and Redd told me some advice that I needed. (Meet people as friends and go from there.) Since then, I've met some great people last summer and had a ball. Plus, I used a lot of my energy striving to improve myself.

But, none of those friendships evolved into a relationship because we were just friends. I have this complex that once you are a friend, its hard to get deeper because you don't want to damage a good friendship.

Where I am now:

Recently, I've been meeting a couple of people that I've been chatting with for a while. I've had an open mind when meeting them, which helps a lot with the disappointment side. Some of these men are doing soo many things in their lives and I'm really digging that, secretly wanting to do the damn thing together.

As I "pass that infatuation staged" based on their niceness things begin to happen or appear that I'm just not into. Part of me says its because of their imperfection sometime I spoke about in my penny with a whole in it post. But, I'm not petty like that, so I keep on, knowing I don't like particular things about the person. For instance, someone that smoke... I hate cigarette smoke with a passion.. but my stupid azz will continue to pursue. Right now, I'm realizing that there are certain things that I just don't care to tolerate with someone that I want to pursue.

Since our first encounter, Established and I have chilled three time. He is a great person. My friends thinks he is kewl (it could be because he bought them drinks at the club, lol). But, there are several things that I'm not into, making me realized that he is not for me. On the upside, I've made a new friend that I know I will bug out with over the summer.

With this newfound mindset, it limits a lot more men. Making me feel picky when all I want is a nice man. But, every nice man is not for me (hmmmm.. just don't know)

Where I really need to be:

Chillin with my lover! (that's it)


Sike nah, I need to relax and take a chill pill. Lately, I've been making some power moves to improve myself even more.

I can be very shy, when it comes time to spit game at someone I may see at the club. (I need to be drunk or almost drunk to approach someone.) Even last thursday @ Luke and Leroy this dude I've heard about and have seen around was there. Brother is on point (my ideal physical type), and word on the street is he is a nice guy. With this knowledge, I need to holla and see what's good. But, of course, it doesn't work out like that. Mainly because of my ridiculous fear of rejection and being insecure. Well, my goal is to ask him out before the summer ends (well, if i'm still single, lol).

I just want to get to a point where my confidence is release and there is no more broken silence.... only going after who has the package that I'm looking for (well, at least 95%), LOL. It's time to network!

Destiny Fulfilled - Its a wrap. D3 are no more after the tour. I really need to get some tickets!

Thursday, June 09, 2005

Bills, Car, Men...

Bills are the main thing about being an adult that I dislike. On top of that, I hate all car bills. From gas to car insurance. Even further, paying money to fix my car. (Yeah, I KNOW!)

Well, this morning as I was driving to work, all of a sudden, smoke starts to come out of the hood and every time I hit the gas it makes a loud sound. So, I pulled over on the parkway to call my grandfather, and he said it's probably the exhaust pipe and it's ok to drive. I immediately asked, "What is this about to cost me?" It ended up being 148.87 (including a much needed oil change.)
My car is driving better than ever!

It wasn't that bad, but I just didn't want to pay for it. Now, y'all know I still don't have my car radio and I'm still using my discman headsets while driving (is that illegal? hmmm...). So, I said let me price some radios . And guess what? I made an appointment on Saturday to get a new CD Player (Go ME!) LOL! I'm so giddy about it! Now, I can pump up the music this summer!


Established, Shawty and I are headed to Luke and Leroy's tonight. Need to get a signed copy of James Earl Hardy's last installment of BBoyBlues, (thanks Rod!). I haven't really spoken to Established because I've been really busy and contemplating if I really want to pursue. Established and I have things in common but we are different in more ways. For instance, Established doesn't believe in voting and y'all know me... I'm a strong voting advocate (you should have seen me Tuesday working a campaign). After he told me his voting theory, I told him, "I rather not discuss this right now." LOL! Plus, I'm not sure if my friends will like him, he is a little on the boogie side, but he doesn't over do it." He has some core ideals that I'm truly into...

But, lately, I really haven't been feeling like dealing with the aggravation of pursuing someone. You know the whole getting to know you and finding out that it just don't work? Or finding out someone just wants to get it in? Or just trying to figure out what the person wants? Or spend the whole summer searching and failing, yet not really enjoying yourself?

One the other hand, I don't want to let someone go that may be the one for right now!

Feel me?

Wednesday, June 08, 2005

Wednesday's Top Ten

I've been running out of things to post about. So, I have decided that on Wednesdays will be Smiling's Top Ten. It actually started last Wednesday; I just didn't know it, lol.

I'm a movie buff. I absolutely love MOVIES. I can stay in the house all day watching them. They are very therapeutic for me. It gives me two hours not to think about anything going on in my life.

Smiling’s Top Ten Movies…

Ghost - Whoppi, Patrick and Demi played their part. This movie made me laugh and cry. The ceramic scene SEXY. DITTO!

Kids - I think every person in America needs to see this film. The movies shine light on what are some of the thoughts of sex with urban youth. Growing up, I saw my boys and stepbrothers while we were teenagers; get a girl in HS to suck everyone off in the same room. No one thought about HIV and other STDs. After seeing this movie, you better STOP and THINK about IT.

Shawhawks Redemption - I don't even have to talk about it. I know y'all love it!

John Q - Tear jerker. I seen this movie three times when it was in theater and probably about ten times on cable or dvd and I can never stop tearing up. The part that gets me is when Denzel wants to die for his son. That's true LOVE.

The Green Mile - POWERFUL MOVIE. For me, the movie talked about faith. How powerful faith really is. Michael Clarke Duncan did a great job with this role.

Goonies - One of my childhood favorites. I love adventure movies involving kids (even today, lol). I use to wish I were apart of the group finding the ship.

My Best Friends Wedding - I know I sound like a true dork for saying this, but Julia Roberts is my favorite actress. (SHUT UP!) When they sang, "Forever," Dionne Warrick song, it was over! I've always envisioned that I would be Julia when my best friend, who I rarely post about, BLat tells me he is getting married and I’m oppose to his fiancé cause I’m in love with him. (where not going to get into that, lol)

Primary Colors - I love a good political movie. This movie is very honest on what goes on behind the scenes. Even having the token Blackee (I know). Plus, Emma Thomas rocks in the movie.

What's Love Got To Do With it? - Dang, this movie never gets old. Angela Bassett, Lawrence Fishburne and Vanessa Bell Calloway should have won Oscars. That rape scene in the recording booth looked soo damn real. And I know all of you know that Buddist Chant, Non biho Kente (something like that, LOL).

The BEST MAN – I’ve must have watched this movie dozens of times. Taye, Terrance, Morris, Harold, Nia, Monica, Sanaa, Melissa and Regina did a wonderful job. I love to see young, successful black folks in movies. Malcolm Lee needs to find another great script. Can we get a G-Life Version?


The Color Purple – “You told Harpo to Beat me.” LOL You can quote this movie all day! It pisses me off when the talk about Steven Spielberg greatest movies and they don't talk about The Color Purple. This cast was phenomenal just like Ray. And where is Whoopi's Oscar for this film? (FYI – this is my favorite movie, I don’t care what y’all say, its is M.I.N.E. ONLY!)

Honorable Mentions: Manchurian Candidate (Meryl did the damn thing!), New Jersey Drive (people slept on this movie.), Far From Heaven, Willy Wonker (Johnny Depp better not ruin my movie), Dreamers (with Michael Pitt, don’t sleep), Lion King (best cartoon ever!), Fresh (I know my NYC Bloggers seen this one!), CRASH (go see it today!) and Love and Basketball (soundtrack is bonkers.)

Do you have any Honorable Mentions?

Cool Like That

The Grammy award winning Hip Hop Trio, Digable Planets, are reuniting for a tour. They are coming to NYC, July 7th. You know its going to be off tha hook! I am there!

Does anyone know when Alanis Morrisettes 10th anniv. jagged little pill is coming out? You know its going to be off the hook!

Oh yeah, go buy Common's new CD, BE, it's off the hook! Go, the second single is off the heezy!


Monday, June 06, 2005

Cheers to a Great Weekend

LMAO! I didn't not have a pic on Trent's page. I was just kidding! Come on, I'm still SmilingontheDL!


I've been a little overwhelmed with some of the things I'm involved in. Sometime it feels as though, I'm living for organizations and even people. But, not this weekend!


My boy, Shoprite and I went to an open mic night at this new jazz cafe. I haven't seen Shoprite in months, he was apart of my 2004 summer chill peeps. After running into him on adam and men4now (don't say anything Grae) not knowing it was him and vice versa we made sure we chilled. The poets were on fire. Very political and inspiring. Not to mention the crowd was bangin. Ran into several acquaintances, one that was the featured artist. He killed it and I'm using him for an event in July.

I've always admired spoken word artist (like EMO) because they can inform/testify/entertain at the same time. Everyone was all upset with the system, yet the artist didnt' give the people direction on what to do next. There must be a way to channel this energy to the masses. Making it appealing to learn whats going on and doing positive things against the negative.

Back to my weekend.


I attended a state-wide conf. on Community Service. Workshops ON POINT! Networked my ass off! Even the food was great! Truly a day on, rather than a day off!

Since February, I've been chatting with this brotha name Brando (cuz he really talks like Marlon Brando when he was in Godfather, NO JOKE!). We've been canceling on each other for a couple of weeks. So, I met this hood thought provoking brotha, and he is bangin. We went go see Crash (yes, finally -- movie was off the chain) and spent the night chatting about politics. We ended the night with a forehead kiss (BestMan Style, LOL).


We woke up, cooked breakfast and ordered a movie on pay-per-view. I'm sure Brando and I will become good friends. Kewl ass bruh!

I finally went to go get my cut (I usually get my hair cut every Thursday). And chilled with Shawty's peeps on Christopher St. This was my third time walking on CS and first time on the pier. I didn't really enjoy it much until this other dude, Established, I've been chatted with, met me on the pier. There are soo many damn teenagers that walk the pier. We strolled down the pier talking about life, destiny and spirituality.

Established is a 22 year old brother doing what he loves and enjoying his life. We posted up on Christopher St and bumped into Leon. Its always a great seeing him. A couple minutes later my friends was ready to hit up a house party in the Bronx and I had to leave him. After we departed, I was like damn, "I'm really digging this boy." I don't know what will go on, but I know I will have to put in some work if I decide to see what's good.

The party in the Bronx was kewl. Although, Drama was coming my way. One of Shawtys boys, Devine, tried to push up on me while his lover was there. His lover approached me and said, "don't even try it, bitch." I was taken away by this comment, cause I didn't do anything at all. But, DEVINE is off the charts and if he wasn't with his lover, SMILING would not be single right now!


Chilled all day and moved some stuff in my storage. Decided to check out Studio 7 Matrix party. Unfortunately, we didn't get to the club until 12:15 and it was closed. Shawty and I went to Stonewalls and chilled for a minute. We met up with some of his new friends from Miami.

Summer is really hear. I haven't been out four days in a row since last summer. Not to mention, I've met some great brothas! As Stephanie Mills sings, "It feels good all over."

Exclusive Interview with that BIATCH

Last week, I had the pleasure to be Trent Jackson's aka Black Gay Wendy Williams (name given by yours truly) next targeted victim. At one point, I had to threaten him. The interview was getting serious, lol. He asked some great questions, and hopefully all of you will get to see (read) another piece of me. I was very impressed on how much he understood me and remembered that I don't like mayo, LOL.

So, Check out my Exclusive Interview with the Infamous Trent Jackson!

Dang, its HOTT OVER HERE! I'm busy at work, but still trying to finish my weekend post so stay tuned....

Oh yeah, there is a picture of me on his blog... so you better check it out. Caution: Only for a limited time.

Wednesday, June 01, 2005

First, I want to congradulate Christina Norman for becoming President of MTV. She is a 41 year old Sista doing the damn thing. I hope they are paying her the big bucks.


Well, a brother has been s-frustrated for some time now. Last night, I started to think about some people that I'm really attracted, too. I don't know how to do the picture thing.. but, i put the links to their pics on here. Now, I am all over the place, I don't think I really have a type.. but theses are a few celebs I wouldn't mind seeing what's really good.

10 Men that make me Smile! (or should I say in my Austin Powers voice, makes me Ho..., lol)

Jason George! I seen him for this time in Barbershop and all I could think of was Godiva Sea Oysters (my favorite chocoalate.) The few times I've watched, "Eve," have been because of him, hehehe. I'm happy that it has been renewed for another season. (I'm sure he needs to take off his shirt to boost the ratings, LOL.)

Michael Ealy! Another Barbershop man! It is something about black men that have eyes other than black or dk brown that is such a turn on for me. Although, he looked a hot mess for his role in "Their Eyes Were Watching God." LOL! Halle is getting some of that!

Denzel Washington! Y'all better ask somebody. It's just something about saying Denzel, that is like OMGoodness let me shake it off, LOL.

Will Smith! Do I really need to say why? Brother has come along way from Six Degrees... to the I, Robot shower scene. I bet you, Jada is eating that a... (my bad, lol)

Anthony Mackie! Brotha is bangin. I think he is going to be a huge star one day. Brother is on screen as if he was DeNiro, Washington or Pacino. Kinda on the skinny side, but its ok for him.

Dr. Dre! (Shut up!) Now anyone who knows the impact of "Chronic," y'all would feel me. Although, I'm not into rappers, Brother Dre can still get the business. Can't wait for Detox to come out.

Morris Chesnut! From Boyz in the Hood to The Best Man to Breakin All the Rule, Morris's smile is killer. The only thing, I'm not really into is the pea hair he displayed in "How to play the game," with Foxx. Very handsome gentlemen, that I've heard rumors about, LOL!

Michael Beach! Aiight, this is going to be TMI, lol, the first time i seen him f--k the cousin in Soulfood immediate hard on (Did you see that a-s.) That is my favorite part of Soulfood. He was even bangin in the movie Lean on Me. Honestly, he does it for me! For me, he is one of the best looking men, I have ever seen.

Common! To me, He is a Fly A-s Motha.. u know the rest. The hat and facial hair is such a turn on. His lyrics are off the chain. Go get the CD!

Roland Fryer! Ok, seriously! Does anyone have a direct contact with this brother? If you do please HOLLER at me! His words unzips my fly. I swear to goodness, if he gets down, its a wrap. He isn't all that... but, the more I read his work, the more I'm attracted to him. Plus the glasses are a plus (FYI: I love men with nice glasses, LOL). Brother grew up in the hood, sold drugs and at the age of 27, a Harvard Professor. Help ME!

Well, I had fun making my list. Anyone you would take off or add?

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