So Anxious...
Something that has been plaguing me for a while is being single. I told myself I wouldn't go forth with a summer of seeking a relationship. In all actuality, I really haven't been. I've been filling some of my time with three guys. There has been Established (we are just friends now), Stedman and Bed-Stuy.
I have a problem with not going with the flow when it comes to a relationship.I have a strong tendency of wanting things my way. Well, not really my way. I want to rush things, like it’s a two-hour TV movie. I'm not trying to rush with everyone, but with men such as Stedman and Bed-Stuy, I truly think something nice can evolve from being in a relationship with either.
I have a huge fear of becoming friends and nothing more, mostly because this arrangement has never worked. In some cases, they would end up being interested in me and I would just want to remain friend, and vice versa. To me, it is extremely important to get to know someone well before entering a relationship. So, I would rather just start to go out on dates and do that... and let it be known that we are both trying to see what's really good with each other. (This was the main disagreement I had with Potential.)
When stuff wasn't going the way I wanted it to with Potential, a good friend of mine said I was being "selfish," cause I didn't want to go with the flow. I played it off like I really didn't mind him saying that. But, in all honesty, I was kinda hurt that he said it, but it was true. And me being stupid and stubborn, I went to the point of dismissing it with, "OH WELL." And you know what happened. It seems as if my selfish attitude on what I wanted wasn’t the natural progression that is needed in a successful relationship.
Well, I've been doing a lot of activities alone but within the last couple of weeks, I've been chillin with friends that I've neglected and definitely, getting to know Bed-Stuy and Stedman better. What's kinda weird is that I'm trying to get to know two guys as friends with the hope of one of the friendships evolving into a relationship. I'm suddenly pondering if I'm wrong for trying to get to know two guys simultaneously and if I should stop the hope with one, and pursue the other. Both have been listening to John Legend's "Take It Slow" (far too much) this has pushed me into the place of where I need to go(patiently going with the flow). This concept is new to me.
I'm soo damn anxious. Like the Kindred song, "I wanna go to a place where lovers go. Do the things that lover do. No Stress. A sweet caress from me to you." And I see it! I can touch it! I can feel it! I can smell it! I can dream about it! BUT, HEY, I HAVE TO WAIT! I see these brothas as silhouettes of the man I desire.
So, yeah I have my hands up and have surrendered myself to simply get to know these men (Well, I'm working on it). On top of this, last night at bible study, Pastor preached "accept your status." He talked about how we must accept being single, divorced or married. It is hard to fully accept being single. Pastor went on to say, "Learn how to be content. If it's God's will for you to be single, then be single." Uh oh! "Being single is not forever.... It's astonshing on how two people can come together as one and you know it's by divine providence.... People are putting their selves together when it should be God."
I have a huge fear of becoming friends and nothing more, mostly because this arrangement has never worked. In some cases, they would end up being interested in me and I would just want to remain friend, and vice versa. To me, it is extremely important to get to know someone well before entering a relationship. So, I would rather just start to go out on dates and do that... and let it be known that we are both trying to see what's really good with each other. (This was the main disagreement I had with Potential.)
When stuff wasn't going the way I wanted it to with Potential, a good friend of mine said I was being "selfish," cause I didn't want to go with the flow. I played it off like I really didn't mind him saying that. But, in all honesty, I was kinda hurt that he said it, but it was true. And me being stupid and stubborn, I went to the point of dismissing it with, "OH WELL." And you know what happened. It seems as if my selfish attitude on what I wanted wasn’t the natural progression that is needed in a successful relationship.
Well, I've been doing a lot of activities alone but within the last couple of weeks, I've been chillin with friends that I've neglected and definitely, getting to know Bed-Stuy and Stedman better. What's kinda weird is that I'm trying to get to know two guys as friends with the hope of one of the friendships evolving into a relationship. I'm suddenly pondering if I'm wrong for trying to get to know two guys simultaneously and if I should stop the hope with one, and pursue the other. Both have been listening to John Legend's "Take It Slow" (far too much) this has pushed me into the place of where I need to go(patiently going with the flow). This concept is new to me.
I'm soo damn anxious. Like the Kindred song, "I wanna go to a place where lovers go. Do the things that lover do. No Stress. A sweet caress from me to you." And I see it! I can touch it! I can feel it! I can smell it! I can dream about it! BUT, HEY, I HAVE TO WAIT! I see these brothas as silhouettes of the man I desire.
So, yeah I have my hands up and have surrendered myself to simply get to know these men (Well, I'm working on it). On top of this, last night at bible study, Pastor preached "accept your status." He talked about how we must accept being single, divorced or married. It is hard to fully accept being single. Pastor went on to say, "Learn how to be content. If it's God's will for you to be single, then be single." Uh oh! "Being single is not forever.... It's astonshing on how two people can come together as one and you know it's by divine providence.... People are putting their selves together when it should be God."
He was preaching to me last night more so on the thoughts that it's ok to be single, probably God's plan. (Did I just say that? LOL) It's going to take some time to really follow through with this acceptance.
After feeling kind of restless and lonely on Friday morning, Bed-Stuy sent me a text message: "don't feel weary about anything. be patient and focus on urself. ur a great guy dammit! ur desires will be met!" Yeah, they will... but dang, when? LOL! That's the trillion dollar question!
The answer may be “soon”. It's like I'm Harlem shaking all over cause I feel like my time is coming… like I’m on the verge of something big. I'm losing control. But, is it a good thing or bad? All I know is, I’m ready for whatever it is. Ready to go with the flow. Ready to let nature run the show. Ready to be... you know!
posted by SmilingOnThaDL @ 10:04 AM
7 comments
7 Comments:
Hmm - interesting thought. I definitely feel this way: Don't start out as friends, because you'll end up that way. Friends are comfortable to a level where you don't want to be with your lover. It's tricky, but you've got to start out chillin as a couple, going on dates, doing romantic things, etc. That's how it should start...and if all goes correctly, that's how it'll end up.
-Potential
PS, Harlem shaking it? YOU?!?!
...Hmm...
so interesting you are..
i've always found that when i'm searchin for it, i don't find it but when i ain't lookin, bam! there it is.
so i don't look anymore. i just let it happen.
Man...
I can just tell u from my experience...being single can be a wonderful AND stressful situation all wrapped up in ONE..
I have been single for 4 years and 6 months now...And I have gone thru every possible emotion...pity, sorrow, regret, anger, bitterness....But one day I realized that EVERYTHING in the universe has it purpose and it's time...
Be aware of the possibilites in your environment..but NEVER be restricted to or disillusioned by them...
U r a GOOD MAN who deserves a GOOD MAN...and u must be discriminating when it comes to those who attempt to enter your life...Not discriminating in the "negative" sense either...Who ever gets the honor of calling you a companion needs to understand your worth..Continue feeling out both of them (and let both of them know that they are NOT the only show in town...BE HONEST..a TRUE man respects honesty)...The reaction of a man when u are completely honest with him will definitely show you if he is equipped to go to the next level with u...
Enjoy ur single life (aka..your period of self improvement) and just keep on pushing...The man of your dreams will soon reveal himself..and you won't have to do a thing except BE YOURSELF!
Damn smiling u juggling 2 dudes... I say take it slow this way if things don't work out you have no regrets. Oh and I luv that kindred song its been on repeat all day...
For some reason I feel the same way. That something big is gonna happen in my life. I just hope that it's me winning the MegaMillions lottery
I agree with Postachio Joe...don't look for it to happen...let it happen on its own, and stop shaking, you're making me nervous with you!!!
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