Monday, August 01, 2005

The Death of SmilingontheDL

Dear Friends,

First, I would like to thank you for all of the comments, advice and much needed compliments since the beginning of SmilingontheDL. You all have made me feel special. There were many moments that I posted on disturbing life experiences and you all were there; reading and assisting me through it.

SmilingontheDL started when I was going crazy. I needed a place to vent about all of my life’s uncertainties especially in regards to sexuality. At the time, I was alone in my battle with myself in determining where the G-Life would fit in my life. I had many escapades of self-hate, loneliness and lack of self worth.

Since the establishment of this blog, I HAVE COME OUT TO MYSELF. This was truly a blessing in disguise. As I started going to Church last January, my relationship with God has become intimate. If you know like I know, my God’s love is everlasting and has healed my self-inflicted hate, abuse and fear.

It seemed like my show was playing the same episodes (like they say, same shyt different day.) Blaming the world for every thing that went wrong in my life. I cried and yelled with my “why me” syndrome. Only to find out “its not about me.” I forgave many people in my life… took negative experiences with a grain of salt… learned how to relax, relate and release. Basically, I stopped BITCHIN. (Now, I call it testifying, lol)

Sure I have shared relapses; I’m human whose attempting to be stable. After rereading last year’s entries, I would probably have labeled myself “dysfunctional.” As I looked at the Man in the Mirror this morning, I tried to look beyond my eyes. I saw the many experiences that I overcame. I saw that my community needs me to use my talents. I saw my potential. I saw my continual happiness for myself. I saw strength, courage and wisdom instead of fear, hatred and the invisible man. In fact, I saw a REAL MAN! This MAN has grown tremendously over the last year.

This past weekend, I had a phenomenal time with someone special whose four day life exposure gave me reassuring thoughts that “life is like a box of chocolates, you never know what you going to get,” but with determination and confidence anything is possible. This person has inspired many thoughts of happiness.

It has been great entering the lives of many great people through their blogs. It is one of the most consistent things over the past year that I truly enjoy. To everyone I have had the opportunity to meet within the last couple of months.. THANK YOU! To all of the old school bloggers that I read… THANK YOU… To all the new and upcoming stars of the Blog World… THANK YOU!

En Vogue sang “Free your mind and the rest will follow.” My mind has experienced being freed. This taste has me feening for more. And I have one definite conclusion: to end the life of SmilingontheDL, allowing myself to manifest into someone new.



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